the typical scene in dotty's room
the other day on twitter i half jokingly mentioned how i feel like we are often (always?) waiting for a certain busy phase to end so that we can finally move into a more calm and easy phase. and i realize this must sound ridiculous. it’s not going to happen, right? unless we do something extreme, like: sell everything and ship ourselves out to the middle of no where and live off the land. i imagine that would be some pretty simple living. and i’m sure we’d all go crazy too. sort of like if you go on a carb free diet, all of a sudden all you want to do is take a big bite out of a raw potato.
so this super busy stuff: is that just the way it is for us now? is it a sign of the times?
on the one hand, i am reminded to live more in the moment and enjoy where i’m at, to not take today for granted because i’m so anxious to get to tomorrow. and at the same time, i can’t help that feeling of anxiousness for things to seem at least less busy, less overwhelming, less frazzled. this can’t just be me? please tell me you’re picking up what i’m putting down.
it's likely that my unmade bed this morning will remain unmade until tonight
so it got me thinking: is busy really the new normal? whether you are a parent or not, married, dating or single: have we all become so used to zipping around and having our task list for the day be completely unrealistic and in a constant state of overflow?
6 slightly different white socks of henry's from ONE load of laundry. unmatchable. and crazy making.
and if this is the case… i’m curious to hear how YOU manage the chaos. how do you stay organized? how do you make time for soccer practice and play dates and lunch dates? how do you keep the kitchen sink from overflowing with dirty dishes? how do you make time for that bathroom sink that’s been leaking or that car registration that needs to be renewed? how do you find time for yourself and time with your significant other?
lots of time spent on math these days
if you are a parent of a school aged child(ren), how’s it going so far this year? is it just me or is there like zero time in the evenings anymore? 4 hours seems to go by in a blink when you’re trying to squeeze in dinner time, homework time, violin practice or some other extracurricular activity, baths, reading and tuck-ins!!! by the time 9 pm shows up, i feel like i’m going to collapse.
the laundry is taking over my life. must.figure.out.how.to.do.less.laundry.
if you are feeling the same, i thought it would be nice for us to share some tips with each other. i am going to be working over the weekend to come up with some real solutions that we can implement around our household to calm the chaos. i’m going to highlight my problem areas and squash them to bits. i’m going to reclaim some calm and sanity in our lives. and really, it’s the little things that make all the difference.
so people: i’m curious. what’s your story? let’s help each other out!
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loved this post lady.
i feel the same.
zero time.
overwhelming.
espesh with the new bird.
i’m going to come back here to read the comments.
i need help too!
xo.
you all will find a groove soon. new baby and up all night! hope you are getting *some* zzzs and feeling better than you were a couple days ago!!
and you know? i think that being a parent and having a family- it’s just a constant state of evolution. always changing, and always a new flow to go with… and as soon as you get used to something (at least with kiddos, it seems) they switch it up on you! keeps it interesting? and i guess if it’s a tough phase, good thing they change! and if it’s a good one, then it’s a reminder to be appreciative of where you’re at.
i’m just wondering how i can wrangle all these loose socks and toys and keep a clean kitchen and updated shop and happy blog and on and on and on….. i know you know what i’m talking about here!!!!!
hopefully we will get some good tips!
xo
i feel you pain.
love the photos x 1000
Especially the sock one!
the socks make me crazy. i love the kid. hate those socks!!!!!!!!
i find that when I stressing out and things are too busy that the best thing to do is just literally stop everything — drop the laundry, stop loading the dish washer, cancel plans to go somewhere — and sit down with my son and do something, whether draw a picture or build a tower or or read a book. everything will get done in time, and whatever I’m stressing about can wait… taking those little moments are what matter, and if you take those little moments, it makes the getting back to the busy so much more satisfying.
that’s a good point! i think i almost do the opposite- which is just feeling stressed and just keep right on going. like i have my head in the sand or something!
i should try your method next time. kind of a take 5, i like it!
I just thought it was because I’m not a good manager. I keep thinking the moms that have it balanced well (or well enough) are the ones that are naturally good at managing time, prioritizing tasks, planning WAY ahead, and anticipating the extras. I have been in denial that this busy, crazy, frazzled way of moving through the week (and usually weekends) is part of having children and a husband in grad school while trying to be a work at home mom myself and that if something could give (me having to work) it would make it all easier. Not an option at all for a few years, though.
So, I’m eager to see what you come up with and what other readers share for ways to make things run smoothly. Really detailed systems only make me crazier because I am not a natural organizer/manager and I usually drop the ball on day three and feel defeated. But I know there are things that can still change. And I’m always willing to try.
And I know older women always say to enjoy this time because they grow up so fast but I sometimes feel I’m too anxious about not enjoying this time (because it feels like such a circus) to enjoy this time and then the cycle of crazy continues! AGHHH!
Off to find my to do list!
well… i think you are right. i think it *is* part of having children.
and like you, i also think i am not a good time manager. some days i’m much more organized than others- and some days it’s 1:30 in the afternoon and i’m like OMG THIS DAY JUST SWALLOWED ME IN ONE BITE.
i think that for those of us mamas that do this online thing and work from home- it’s so important and SO IMPOSSIBLE to find that balance. also, it’s worth pointing out that looking in on anyone’s life through the photos on the web definitely give a certain impression that’s probably not exactly the reality. meaning… let’s not beat ourselves up because we are getting the impression that everyone else around us is doing so much better and why do we suck so hard? i’m certain it’s challenging for ALL OF US. and that goes for anyone who works at home or not. some of us are rushing to get out of the house to get kids dropped off at school and to work on time and some of us are at home trying to figure out how to get our things done and it’s often times a big blobby mess of domestic chores mixed with work. no matter what though, we all have our set of challenges.
aye carumba. we need solutions! i’m putting my thinking cap on.
I had some similar thoughts the other day. I was thinking about people who lived 2000 years ago…about how maybe we were all created to go at camel speed, and now we’re going at jet speed. How did this happen, and how long can we cope with it?
that’s a really interesting question- and i wonder that same thing. which i why sometimes i think on extreme terms about just getting rid of everything and moving to the seaside and living in a hut! you know, you hear about those families on like, OPRAH, where they had the 600k house and kids in ballet and soccer and successful parents and yadda yadda, everything seems perfect from the outside… and then they decide that things are just TOO MUCH and they sell the house, sell the stuff and go live in a tribe in africa. interesting. and totally appealing on some levels. i guess in that- we’ve got one go ’round, why are we filling it worrying about STUFF and THINGS and annoying tasks instead of having the most enriched experience possible?
i am going off the deep end here… perhaps a bigger convo that we can start up soon.
for now: i’m just looking to kind of run the iron over this mess. you know? smooooooth it out a bit
Well, my solution was to move away from the city and into the country…
Another solution was to become a minimalist…
So far, these choices have kept me busier than I have ever been in my life and I don’t even have kids! (I do have 3 geriatric animals and a dog though, so they keep me busy).
Honestly…I think the crux of the problem lies in computer land. My computer and iPhone have taken over my life and every year it gets worse. I waste SO much time online and only about 20% of that time is useful (where I’m actually working). The rest is just time wasting. I truly think that’s where we’re all getting sucked in. Try and give up your computer life though…that would be pretty tough!
dude you hit the nail on the head.
TECHNOLOGY. computers and iphones and crackberries and twitter and facebook and blogs. and i love them all but DANG. i don’t think we (any of us?) do a very good job at balancing LIFE and screen time. i am as guilty as the next guy. though- i am NOT guilty of texting in the middle of face to face conversations, i refuse to go there.
but you are right. i wonder about internet free days? could we all try it? or maybe even… baby steps. internet free hours? i think the nature of the beast for me (running an online shop/blog) means i spend A LOT of time at my desk. whether i’m editing photos for the shop or replying to emails or posting on twitter, it’s all the same.
and i DREAM of a minimalist lifestyle and it’s interesting to hear that you feel more busy!!!! DAMN COMPUTERS! haha
yea, i’m really trying to live a simpler life but somehow it’s just not happening. i try to be a minimalist with fashion and decor but because i run my shop, i constantly have stuff all over the place that i have to clean and fix up. i also live in a super old house that is a work in progress and sadly, because i’m type A, i just can’t stand sitting around looking at unfinished projects. then, throw in technology to that mix and i’m screwed! i think it could be a very good idea to try and schedule twitter/blog/reading time online and once that time is up, walk away. it’s super hard to do and i’ve been unsuccessful at it yet but i think i have to give it a try. what i need is a schedule! maybe a 9-6 schedule that includes blocks for screwing around. i’ll let you know if i come up with anything that works for me. thanks for reminding me that i need to get my act together!!
you’re speaking my language. i have the same sort of thing happening here- with all the stuff i bring into our home for the shop, our basement was beginning to look like a thrift store. and suddenly, earlier this summer (after my hubs looked at me one night and said: THIS IS SOME HOARDER SHIT HERE BABE) i had a MAJOR STUFF ATTACK and suddenly needed to explore what it would be like/feel like to be as close to minimalist as possible. now, we have two kids who like stuff just as much as any other kid, and of course i still run a shop and i am a collector and will make a new collection for anything that pleases my eye so it’s a HUGE contradiction and struggle for me. but i really started to feel like STUFF was making me nuts.
i’ve been tackling it in spurts though, and have managed to make several large donations to the goodwill, plus we had a yard sale and i have really started to be more conservative with what i bring in (a big problem is that our basement is 1800 sq ft and it’s all studio space down there, hubs and i split it, but basically i have 2/3rds of it and have managed to run wild in the few years we’ve been in this house) and slowly but surely, i will get to that more minimalist place…. i do believe it will bring me SOME calm.
yes, i totally feel your pain~! and i must say i do it to myself!! i do love keeping busy but downtime is soo precious too sometimes!! just today, i stepped back and started to prioritize… i think that’s the most important thing to do!!
you are right, prioritizing is a biggie. and keeping it all out where it can be seen- a bulletin or dry erase board in the kitchen, an on-going list on the fridge- something that you can check in with at the start of your day. and if you/me/the next person can stick to it, maybe it’ll just become habit!
This was a great post. My child is only 2 and I still feel like there is never enough time. I see women who spend ALL of their free time toting their kids to and from sports practice, lessons, youth group, etc. and it really scares me. HOW to do it all? I want a simpler life. I have no tips, as my husband is in school and I work, but am anxious to hear from other people!
i think those women must have nannies or some kind of extra help. ?? it’s a shame that there’s this pressure for us to be SuperWomen and SuperMoms. it’s toooooo much.
Hi there. I have no solutions, but I am so happy to hear the dialogue.
It seems like it’s either feast or famine over here–rush or crash. I am forever looking for that balance thing people keep talking about.
Where do we even look?!
just so you know: I HAVE NO IDEA. i have searched for that ever elusive thing called balance for EVER. i think if i were to find that balance i would have to live like my own drill sergeant to keep things running tip-top!
we will find some solutions together, i hope! we’re all GO GO GO and maybe we just need to SLOW SLOW SLOW. the rush or crash thing, i totally get that. i have to stop holding out for that calm phase that i think is out there and just make it work now where i’m at. i think. heh!
Yes! I feel this, too! It’s interesting to hear Rachel’s thoughts on this, because I have always admired her ability to work so hard at home while raising little ones.
I have yet to figure out the balance. As I read this I am due at work in an hour, laundry is all over the house, the sinks are dirty, the dog needs his breakfast, I need my breakfast, my blog and shop are neglected, and on and on.
My fantasy is to move to a tiny cabin in the woods and leave all of the clutter and crap behind.
Someday.
but, see- did you read the vintage cabin’s comment about how she went minimalist and moved to a cabin and stuff just got even more busy?! who knows what the right answer is. could totally be a ‘grass is greener’ kind of thing as far as city vs. country or stuff vs. not much… another commenter hit it on the head for me when she said we have to CREATE the calm… the calm ain’t exactly knockin our door down, you know? *le sigh*
first of all, this is a lovely, lovely post.
the reason i felt compelled to comment is that this is something i really notice is different between cultures. i grew up in the states but live in the uk, and when i visit my hometown, everyone is so much busier. that can seem a little bit illogical too, because my hometown is small and my current home is a gigantic city. more people doing more things but somehow it seems less stressful. i wish i could put my finger on why, but i think there are too many variables. is it that my social group in london is just more laid-back or has lower blood pressure?! is it the live-to-work/work-to-live difference wherein europeans get more days off and don’t feel pressured to work extra hours as often as their american counterparts? sometimes i even wonder if it’s dietary because i know i eat a lot more sugar in america than i do in england and i wonder if it contributes to how i feel highly-strung and stressed as a result? see… too many factors to figure it out really.
anyway, the things we use in our own home that i think help include always eating dinner together at the table (with no distractions) and um, not owning a tv. we can still watch our favourite shows online, but we’re not bombarded with advertising, reruns or the news. and whenever possible, keeping one of the weekend days free from big events so we can stay at home or in our neighbourhood and have a choice whether to chill or be spontaneous. the last one is the hardest of course, but worth the teething process of getting there. imho, anyway.
<3
really interesting points. we are really rushing around here (in the states, at least i get that impression as well), and it’s frustrating to me. the giant rat race. makes me wonder what will happen in 50 years. the newest tiny ipod! we all must have it! in 50 years it’ll be the size of a pin and won’t that be AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY?!
i think slowing down in general has got to be a good thing. and right now, i feel like there’s this pressure to keep up, keep up! and keep going! and it trickles into our households and onto our dinner tables. UGH.
I feel the same way. Overwhelmed. Like time is slipping by (where did Sept go?). Like I am not taking full advantage of life because I am always so worried about well, everything. And then over the summer I decided I was going to do three things for myself. So, I started working on some crafty little projects/drawing, running and working on being more patient with my daughter (who is 3 going on 23).
And, its kind of working. I mean don’t get me wrong, I still have some days that I feel like I could lose my mind. But I am really trying to slow things down just a little and do things that, when I look back on at the end of the day, make me smile. Even if I do have a sink full of dishes.
PS= Cute shoes and I love your last post. It made me laugh. I’m also ready for Fall.
you’re onto something with the exercise bit too- it’s good to make time for yourself, and i think a lot of moms fall into the trap of just being MOM. shuffling kids from point a to point b and making cookies for the PTA meeting and doing homework and wiping butts and doing laundry and and and. and at the end of the day, we didn’t carve out any personal time for ourselves and we just get used to that. i know i’ve felt that way a lot this last year- where there’s just so many other things i need to take care of in a day that i’m lucky if i brush on a little mascara and put on something that matches. forget cute. just have it match. or be clean. you know?
anyhow. good for you- your three things are good, stick with them and i know you’ll be feeling better!!
Miss Jenny, I wish I knew how to make it all simpler! A yr ago my house looked like a young couple had just moved in (the needed furniture, a few family pics, no extra clutter) because I went on a de-crapping spree. This year it looks like it did last year, FULL!
As far as laundry and dishes? Disposable/recyclable clothes along with dishes? Just a tho’t hmm.
your comment has me laughing because i went on a big purge this summer and we are currently COUCH-LESS. got rid of not one but TWO couches and a slew of other furniture… yep, our living room is looking pret-tee pitiful right about now… and then i get emails from certain blogs or mags that would like me to do a house tour and i’m in full panic mode, HA!!!!!!!
I think this pace is something we all just have to get used to… and it makes me crazy too! My number one sanity saver is that I have a list of one or two household chores that I do every day, and if I get those things done I quit. And am happy. I struggle so much with ‘mom guilt’ of not doing it all and looking like Martha Stewart in the process, that this has really helped me get over some of that. For example, today I wanted to get the floors swiffered and bathroom cleaned. Once I got those two things finished, I stopped. and I don’t allow myself to feel guilty about the other stuff… if I get to anything else it’s a bonus! I also took back my nap times and don’t allow myself to ‘work’ during that time. I take those two precious hours just for me, whether it’s sewing or reading or just watching tv and drinking coffee occasionally… that has saved my mind quite a lot!
I look forward to seeing what you come up with~ I can always use new ideas!
So this is only a small suggestion… really only relevant to part of your post… but as I too cannot seem to strike any sort of balance (2 part time jobs, 1 start-up business/blog, and a house full of slobby male roommates), I tend to take a second look at my to-do list. First, I write EVERYTHING down that, in an ideal world, I would love to get done during the day. Then I take out my work schedule and look at my list a second time. What is 100% necessary (time sensitive tasks, etc.)? 90%, 50%, etc. I edit this list up to 3 times in a day. I cross out things that I know just can’t happen. Sometimes I make a week-long to-do list and edit by moving my tasks around so that eventually everything fits into the week instead of one day. My best friend in this endeavor is my dry-erase calendar. It does help to, for me, to move it all around like puzzle pieces… but maybe I’m just a more spatial person, haha
I can relate on so many levels. I am a stay at home mom of three, and I homeschool the two oldest. Their ages are 7,4, and 2. It is quite chaotic at times. I tend to find myself wanting everything tidy and perfect. I feel guilty sometimes when I get onto the kids for just playing with toys, but in my eyes(at the moment) its a big mess. Sometimes I just have to take a big breath and walk away from it. I usually start my day around 7:15 and end it around 12. I do feel quite overwhelmed with schooling my kids, cleaning, taking care of my husband, bills, laundry, and having an etsy shop. I have to take one thing at a time, and not pressure myself so much. If I start thinking about all the things I haven’t gotten done, I’m doomed to be in a horrible mood, be grumpy with everyone in the house, and be a total butt-head. I am no where near where I wish I could be, but I’m only human. As mom’s we think we can do everything at times, and we beat ourselves up for it. If we could just take a deep breath and just focus on the moment at hand, and not compare, or think of all things we may have failed at that day, we may just not be so stressed out. I am so thankful that I’m not the only one who feels stressed and wiped out. I do keep a mental schedule of what I want to accomplish that day, and not all of it gets done, but I just put it on the list of things to get done by the end of the week. The weekends are a great time to get fix-it jobs done, or dusting. The husband does the dishes right after dinner. I usually find my sanity at bedtime when I get to my craft table and listen to music and have a cup of coffee. Finding your time at some point in the day is so important. I have started getting up before the kids in the morning to exercise. I feel more awake and ready to take on the day. Well I have blabbered on , but I really enjoyed your post. Have a wonderful day!
I agree with Ashley above. A to-do list helps A LOT. My brain has a tendency to jumble everything and make tasks seem bigger. Sometimes I break down tasks into lots of little tasks — it may seem counterintuitive and more overwhelming, but for me, crossing out things frequently helps me feel more confident that I’m getting things done.
I have pretty low standards when it comes to cleaning as a result of being busy, but I’ve come to realize in the last few months that I have more time than I thought, I just need to take advantage of it in the right way. Especially with being more tired than usual, if I have the energy to do something I take a second to think about what my top priority should be in that time. And if that’s the only thing I can get done, at least one thing is off the list. I also don’t write down my list (or when I do I don’t look at it often), because then I get discouraged about what hasn’t gotten done, but that’s just me. I think part of it is just managing my expectations for how things are going to be and how much I’m going to get done that keeps me satisfied in the way things are (although there’s always room for improvement). We’ll see how well a baby fits into that picture, though, especially when I head back to work!
1) I love love love the way the photos in this post were taken! Seeing from your point of view w/the same shoes is so cute!
2) I gave up on my to do list. I try and do some while my son is napping, but if I wander into the blogasphere instead I don’t feel too bad about it. Unless I’m company is coming, that is.
3) My MIL is coming on 10/7. Quick, PANIC CLEAN CLEAN CLEEEEAAAAANNNNN!
4) My MIL pointed out a sink that was slow to drain when she was up to visit for my son’s birth 3 months ago. It is still slow to drain. *shrugs*
I hear all ya’ll! This exact thing is a struggle for me every moment. Everywhere I look in my house there are projects, chores, and tasks to be completed, and they sit there. Day. after. day. Most of the time I feel like I am doing the bare minimum and just getting by. Some days I feel like I have spent my entire day dealing with STUFF (cleaning it, moving it, sorting it, purchasing it, throwing it away, folding it….) that I never actually get to the parts of life that fill me up.
I remember three months when I was first married and my husband and I moved into a new house with only what would fit in my vw cabriolet. The Navy was moving our stuff and would take three months to get it to us- and those three months were heavenly. We had one set of sheets, 2 plates and 2 forks, and just a few changes of clothing. I was sort of sad when our stuff arrived in a big truck and our lovely house was filled with STUFF that we hadn’t really missed.
These are things that I try to do to find the balance:
get off the computer. I waste so much time online. turn off the tv. I don’t even have one anymore and I don’t miss it at all.
schedule family/personal play time. I actually write, “play with Jack” in my planner- ha! and Sundays for us are all family time- no shopping, no work, minimal chores- it really refreshes us.
simplify. let go of some of it- the stuff, the activities. Pick a few and take the time to enjoy them.
prioritize. I’ve really had to rethink what order I do things in- I used to try to get all of my work done and then enjoy my kids and my life, but that equaled chores from morning to evening and grumpy grumpy kids- so now I try to do the most important things first- and for me, those things are usually experiences and time with family. There are always more chores to do- but I try to squeeze them in during the spare moments in my real life.
I’d love to hear what other people have to say because I still am totally unbalanced!
I keep waiting for the “crazyness” to pass… and it never does. I’m still young and still trying to find my way, working 4 days a week, trying to run/ promote my etsy shop, and blogging… oh yea, and I help out my sorority as an advisor to the undergrads. And I always tell myself that once whatever HUGE thing I’m working on blows over, I will have more time to do more things. The reality? My list keeps growing.
I cope by making a lot of lists. Lists of everything, lists of etsy business things, lists of personal things (like getting a haircut and going to the dentist). I also keep a personal calendar to make sure I don’t overbook myself, as well as a business calendar that I just started so I can keep track of big ideas and plan ahead. And I try to keep stress low by running, making time to watch my favorite shows, and spending time with friends and family on the weekends. It’s all a work in progress, but I accept that!
Perhaps “things will calm down when…” is the same as “I’ll be happy when….” and we all know that we can’t wait for our happiness, we have to go out and find it- and find it today since today is when we need it. So, maybe we can’t wait for the calm? Perhaps we need to create it in our lives today.
Just thinking….
Since I had kids, and now with another one on the way (which will change our dynamics yet again,) I have had to give up on my ideas of getting everything done. Things get left undone (like the laundry that’s still sitting in my dryer from Sunday.) One thing that helps us accomplish more is that we don’t have television. I don’t even really know how people find the time to watch television, to be honest! Also, I live out in the country, so even a drive to the grocery store is a big trip (we do our grocery shopping once a week, or sometimes even once every two weeks.) Just a couple of things that have cut down on some of the “minutes” we use. We also made a vow early on that we were not going to put our kids into any extracurricular activities. We figured the time would come when they would start asking to do that on their own, and we’re waiting for that time to come without forcing it to happen (this after watching my sister in law start her kids in serious sports teams at a very early age and have absolutely no time outside of school and sports.)
Loving this conversation, and am hoping to pick up some more tips because even living like we do, we’re still so harried a good portion of the time… (of course, our eldest JUST started school, so we’ve got two littles at home still.)
You are so right Jenny. Busy is definitely the new normal. It’s just me and Boris and we are running, driving and whooshing around all day everyday. And sometimes I wonder what the hell I did that day and what for. I think we want bigger and better. A bigger house, more stuff and lots of friends and with the more we get the more time we have to spend maintaining it. It’s like that Tracy Chapman song “me and my mountain of things”. I think this is going to pas over soon as we all are so aware of it and changes start with awareness. So maybe we’ll get our time back soon. Wishing you well and lots of love … ah at least we have a little time left for love xox
Wow, great post Jenny.. This subject has been an ongoing conversation with my husband for the last 3 years!
I can definitely relate to Shimelle except that I grew up in Italy and moved to the states 3.5 years ago… and it was a bit of a shock!!! one little thing that Patrick and I have been doing is to not put to much on our plates and try to live as simple as possible (this isn’t always easy, but doable for us…). and also to slow down. We just try to set some time during the week where we do nothing, and boy does it HELP.BIG.TIME.
Thanks for the post, it’s great to see what everyone thinks, and get tips on simplifying life.
Jenny, I know how you’re feeling. Your post sounds like my life right now, a bit on the crazy messy side. I’m always cleaning up or trying my best to keep our family organized, sometimes it works sometimes it’s more of a mess and ends with me driving myself nuts about it all. Our summer was so busy, trying to sell our home (which didn’t sell but it was for the best), visiting with guests, appointments and other activities and now as of this Monday my maternity leave was up so I sadly left my kiddos at home and drove my butt back to work. After work, with dinner, baths and everything else, the few hours of time we have just doesn’t seem like enough for me, plus like you said it flies by in a blink. Our lives too are hectic, so I’m glad when I read this post to realize it’s not just me. I guess we’ll just have to hang in there and the calm will soon come. Good Luck girl!
P.S. did you see my flickr pic last week with “the kitchen mess” that’s my home daily
one thing i thought about a lot while tooling around this summer back in the southeast was living more simply & more slowly. i have a painting by ms mati rose & it’s a bird with the painted text “slow down” behind it. i often glance at that & try to remember to do just that. one thing i’ve enjoyed is that i try to reserve sundays as my super slow day. i try to read the nytimes & bake something. or cook a coupla meals for the week. i try to not feel guilty about this. i think that is one thing that has shifted for me. the guilt in slowing down. because i feel like i do need to catch up & slowing down isn’t on that to do list! i would start small. make at least one day the do nothing day!
wow, lots of comments that i will have to read later because of course kids, dinner etc! but Ev and i have not had a date in like a year and i am not even kidding.
i love this. LOVE it. i love that there are so many comments saying we’re all in the same boat. it’s so easy to look at pretty blogs and lovely colourful pictures (like yours miss jenny) and wonder how those people have everything so down when somedays i can’t even manage to shower before 3pm!
for me i find my biggest problems are cleaning and the internet sucking up my time.
i’m a total neat freak who can’t relax until everything is spick and span, but there are days when i just can’t seem to get anything done and i work myself up into a horrible, stressed out mess. i think we all need to try and let go just a little of that whole ideal of “perfection”. easier said than done, but this is something i’m trying to do these days.
laundry is one of those things that can really stress me out. for months it seemed like getting to the bottom of the dirty laundry basket was an impossible feat! i’ve found that if i let it all pile up, the task becomes so overwhelming that i just can’t get anywhere. i make monday and friday my 2 main laundry days. on those days i do laundry like a crazy person so i don’t start the week or the weekend with a pile of dirty laundry (which for me is a total mental block) waiting to be done.
i also make sure i never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, cos there is nothing worse than waking up to a messy kitchen. i like to run the sink full of water while i’m making breakfast, that way if i’m having one of those crazy mornings i can at least dump all the breakfast dishes in the sink to soak!
anyway i hope my little tips help someone out there and i haven’t revealed myself to be a crazy neurotic house-cleaner for nothing!
wow. I am loving this post, jenny. and I am loving all these conversations (even though I haven’t had time to read them all yet). such an important topic!
for me, there are good days and bad days. sometimes I power through and feel like superwoman, other days I am a slug and get absolutely nothing done. and feel like a total failure. today is a slug sort of day. BUT– I did have a breakthrough recently. I was making all these enormous lists with big projects on them and I felt really good about the possibilities and how I’d organized them onto paper. then I’d go through the day and at the end, it seemed as if nothing had really been checked off. and I kept thinking BUT I’VE BEEN BUSY ALL DAY! how has nothing gotten done? and I’d feel so defeated. then I realized that I was busy all day with laundry and dishes and cleaning and homework helping and snack-making and so much more. and I realized that those things deserved a place on the list too. because it’s the crossing off of items on the list. this is the thing. I needed to cross things off and feel that sense of accomplishment, no matter how small. also, I realized I wasn’t really breaking the big projects down into smaller daily, more doable steps. so, the last couple of weeks, I’ve been using teuxdeux.com (and online list making site) and I have to say, I love it. it’s really forced me to sit down each morning and realistically look at what needs to (and can) be done within the day. and it’s forced me to break big projects down into smaller steps. and while it doesn’t solve the crazy busy problem all together, it has been a start. days are flowing just a little bit better. and I’m breathing a little easier. and that’s something, that’s really something.
argh! glad to see so many people are the feeling the same way!!! i thought once the kids went back into school i could get my act together! i feel like i have less time to do anything. i waste away a lot of time on the computer … my kids even have a nickname for me … mom dot com!
i think busy is the new normal
and i’ve even limited each kid to one activity but it seems there is always something to do. i live and die by my to-do list, swear by them. also i start laundry first thing in the morning so i have plenty of time to get it done, folded and put away. will be checking back in to see what everyone has to say!
First – thank you for the NOT “perfect home” photos. I’m guilty of it when I post. Just moving stuff out of the way. It’s about aesthetic…but is is also misleading…and leads to that “oh god everyone else has their shit together” way.
And thank you for this post. I want so much to be part of this conversation. I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently.
I had a day off today. One whole day off. And you know what? I hardly made a DENT in the things I need to do. I keep thinking that if only…if ONLY I had a whole week to myself. No kids. No husband…I could REALLY clean the house and organize and attack the paperwork and clean out the basement. Because…yeah. THAT’s gonna happen.
I feel smushed between the things I need to do and the things I want to do and there is no space for either. Meanwhile my kids are growing and life is moving on.
There are two things I keep thinking about. One is STUFF. I am going crazy because every surface in our (little) house is covered in stuff. EVERY SINGLE SURFACE. And it causes so much stress (and therefore procrastination) and drives me nuts.
And the other thing is the damned internet. that source of inspiration and ideas. Which gives me more and more and more ideas for things I *could* make or do. So now instead of being content going to find a pattern to make some clothes (like my mother was) I spend hours perusing fabric, finding just the right pattern, thinking about making the pattern myself, looking at tutorials of how to add binding…you get the idea. I feel like I need an information diet.
So my plan…my hope…my goal (ugh. goals.) is to think REALLY hard about how much stuff we have in the house and what we REALLY need. I don’t want to do any kind of extreme minimalism (I’m too sentimental for one thing) but we DO need less stuff. All I can think is…less.stuff.too.clean.
And to stop making ridiculous things i wish I was making/doing. Be a little more realistic.Make more space and make more time.
No idea yet how on earth I’m going to do it though so I’ll definitely be coming here to find out how you are doing…and next time…shorter comments I promise!
oh man. i get every single word. i honestly could have written that myself!!!!!! i hear you girl, you are speakin’ my language!!!!!!
i had to giggle at the stuff on every surface bit. we go through that here, and hubs and i have this running ‘discussion’
he argues that we have TOO MUCH STUFF. and i argue that we NEED MORE STORAGE. (i sound crazy)
but this summer i totally got on board with the TOO MUCH STUFF thing and started letting go. and let me tell you- the more i let go, the easier it got! and you are right.
less stuff = less stuff to clean!!!!!!!!!!!
and the internet. the internet is just a big fat double edged sword.
Oh where to begin……
Jenny you are a mind reader. I’ve been so wanting to talk about this myself. I have days where I feel like i have it all together and days where I feel like i’m spinning out of control. People always say, “I don’t know how you do it!” and i think “AM I doing it??? Because it sure feels like I’m barely gettin’ it together!!!”
I’m actually kind of relieved that most of these answers say, “I’m not sure, but would love to hear other people’s solutions.” It’s oddly comforting to know that NONE OF US know what the hecks we’re doing!!!!! I’m a triple koo koo bird. I feel like I have TWO jobs….I work all day in the city, then come home and spend time with my fam for a few precious hours before bedtime and then I stay up til midnight or later blogging. I’m insane. Our house is a disaster half the time…weekends I’m so pooped I think HAIL no do I want to spend it laundering and cleaning….we like to go out and live life. But then WHEN are the chores supposed to get done??? Ahhhhhhhh.
Whether we come up with a solution or not, it’s so important to chat and talk about this and realize that we’re all in this together. And listen….I’m going to take a photo for you of our crazy house so when Matt says you have a Hoarder’s sitch going on you can look at it and say, “Well…..at least we’re not as bad as Alex!!”
xoxox
love you girlie.
A couple of thoughts – our family recently watched “Frontier House” (from public television a few years ago), and I think families back then were just as busy, if not more busy, than they are now – although in completely different ways, especially physically.
I’ve felt just like you do many, many times. Lately I’ve been able to be calmer and less worried about getting everything done. I try to remind myself about the ease with which I can do most of the “drudgery” type tasks at home. It only takes a couple minutes to start up the washer and throw the soap and clothes in, it only takes a few minutes to load the dishwasher, I can wash a floor with a mop in about 10 minutes. I try to ignore any thoughts about the hundreds of things that need to be done during the day and just focus on a few of them. And things do get done, the house looks pretty good (not perfect by any means) and I still have time for work (as a musician I work from home most of the time) and some reading or knitting. Another way I try to remain positive is to remind myself WHY I am doing the laundry, cleaning, etc. – to make a great space for my family to enjoy each other.
I LOVE your life! I secretly wish that I had all that you have.
I love looking at all your pictures, (messy bed and all)! You’ve got kids, the freedom to stay at home and take care of your home and family. You are surrounded by lots of fun vintage clothes, furniture and fabric. AND you are super cute to boot.
My situation is a little different because I dont have any children of my own, but I do have a stressful job that I work long hours at and a terribly long commute to work. I often feel that I wake up, drive to work, work, drive home, eat dinner, and go to bed just to do it all over again in a few hours. I would loooove to stay home and do the dishes that are piled high in the sink, spend time with my husband, do laundry, get a workout in, and have some time for myself. and most importantly, I would love to have a baby and be there for life’s first steps.
What I do when life seems stuck on the accelerator:
1. Delegate, delegate, delegate! example: my husband does his own laundry.
2. let the dishes in the sink pile high. Dont get me wrong, you dont need to call the health department or anything like that, but I do them when I am charged with motivation, if I dont feel charged, thats when doing chores can really take that last ounce of life outta your soul. ha ha!
3. Keep a calendar.
4. multi task. example: I fold clothes, while watching tv.
5. Clean with your workout clothes/jogging shoes on. I seem to move faster, be more energetically charged when I have my workout clothes on!
These are the things I do when my schedule gets crazy, and if all else fails, I take a mental day off work and get all my stuff done! this really helps!
thank you for posting this. i have NO solutions, but am nodding my head at everything.
i always feel like i don’t want to complain, but the reality of the situation is that it is DAMN HARD to keep all the balls up in the air.
i might have some pairless socks that should meet up with yours….
[great shoes]
Well, at the very least it seems like we are all in this together, which helps me feel a little better about my inability to get it all done! I sort of feel like its really impossible to do all of the things that I want to get done on a daily basis, and its so hard to not feel deflated sometimes, because gosh darn it, I really wanted to make that new recipe for zuchini bread that I saw on a blog, but doh! I also really wanted to list 4 things on craigslist, but shoot! I also really wanted to trim all the bushes in the back yard, and man! I also was really hoping to try to make my own lip balm, like I saw on another blog. The problem is, there’s those pesky chores waiting for me like dishes, laundry, a shower (!), and to top it off, it all needs to happen in a 2-3 hr window while the bebe is napping! Now that we have so very many resources for a “better” life at our fingertips, its sort of over whelming. Just pick up an issue of Real Simple to see what I mean. I love me some Real Simple, but ironically, it doesn’t always make life real simple, right? Its just one more page to rip out and file under “must try this soon”! I guess we just need to realize there will always be a trade off- if I want to shower, I may not get to the zuchini bread today, etc……
Hi Jenny!
I somehow stumbled upon your blog not long ago. I love this post and I just wanted to let you know that I smell what you’re steppin’ in. You are absolutely not alone. You inspire people you don’t even know (my friend Jeannine and I are regular readers), so you must be doing something right! OH and the best advice I’ve been given is to KISS— Keep It Simple, Silly!
hi erin, thanks so much for reading + for chiming in!!! i think it’s comforting for us all to know that we’re all in this crazy thing together! i’m happy to hear from so many of you out there, and i’m hoping that we can all find some calm from this conversation. i know i’ve been thinking about it a lot the past couple days, and i’m lookin for some answers!!! and i like your K-I-S-S. good stuff!!!! and so true.
I’m a little late to the party here but I feel like I wanted to weigh in. I am not a mother, but I definitely feel overwhelmed like ALL the time. It makes me feel like, OH MY GOD, WHAT WILL I DO WHEN I INTRODUCE A BABY INTO THIS MESS???? I think personally with me the issue lies more with being panic stricken over all the things I *want* to get done and the panic manifests itself in inaction. I *do* have an old granny house that my husband and I have been working on, but every project we take on seems to suck the life out of us and in the end I basically just look at the mess and say, “Ummm…let’s go down the street and get a beer instead.”
Ok now to my real point. I most definitely think that the internet, in addition to being a time-sucker, has got to be at the root of a lot of this. One of the other commenters was saying they feel like the inspiration available on the internet just creates more pressure, and I couldn’t agree more. I think maybe the difference between today and, say, when my parents were starting out is that it wasn’t quite so easy to compare yourself to people. You just sort of muddled through and you didn’t have all that many “role models” to be keeping up with. There were no such thing as design blogs, kids didn’t need to keep up all these activities in order to build their college resumes, and there just generally wasn’t all these different media channels to remind you that you’re not as good as a lot of other people. My house is constantly unfinished because the options and inspiration resources for what to do with it are too overwhelming to make a move.
The answer? More blogs written by untalented slobs!!
p.s. If it makes you feel any better, you are one of the people who make me feel bad about myself
I really like this train of posts you started Ms Jenny, as I too feel overwhelmed. I applaud all the mamas out there. I’m overwhelmed with too much to do and not enough time and can’t imagine how I’d do it with a bambino/crumbsnatcher, but so many of you do, and do it sooo well. I often feel terribly guilty for feeling tired and overwhelmed because I know there’s someone out there who has more on their plate than me, doing there stuff much better and more efficiently while making it look impeccably effortless. I’m just going to work on feeling less guilty! And kudos to all your women.
Ok miss Jenny,
It is October 2 and I only just managed to wrangle a few minutes to read this. As so many have said, you are not alone.
Not a mamma on this end, but I will share one little tidbit: I remember my mom having us kiddos help out (yep, even at the age of little miss dotty). She is a perfectionist, and it must have taken a great amount of restraint on her part to let us fold the clothes not so perfectly, and to make the beds in the way we could, but you know what? I am so grateful that she did.
These solutions are not right for everyone, but here are a ways in which I “found” time:
We ditched the TV altogether. Haven’t owned one for 5 years and I don’t miss it.
We put a routine on what we had for breakfast: It is the same thing, with some variations every day.
The bed-making is reduced to a duvet enclosed in a cover and a fitted sheet (one swoosh, and the bed is pretty well made).
We pay a gardner to take care of the yard-work, and we take the cars to the car wash instead of doing it ourselves. (in short, the things that are not a priority for us, we pay someone else to do).
That is about all I can think of for now…
But you, well, you are amazing. Hope you never forget that.
oh, and here is one to try for the socks matching thingie: go out and get yourself a giant box of safety pins (or rubber bands if you line dry). Pin those suckers together when they come off and before they go into the wash. The minute they come out, they are already matched.
i feel unqualified to offer suggestions because i feel as stressed as i have ever been (barring one extremely different time in my life). in the past couple of weeks though, i have found some solace in this:
during the ten minutes that it took to sanitize my son’s bottles in the microwave, i sat very still on the couch. i thought only about my breathing. i relaxed as best i could. i forgave myself when my mind wandered, and went back to my breathing again. when the microwave beeped, i was as relaxed as any other meditation i have tried.
and the cool thing about it is that it only takes ten minutes and, the more i do it, the easier it is to achieve that calm feeling.
that’s my drop in the bucket. i’m excited to hear everyone else’s.
Love this post! It is so good to know that the people I think have a perfectly organized life (especially fellow mamas) have the same issues I myself have.
Love your colorful and lively blog, frecklewonder!
Thank you for posting this! Honestly, I think it is so important to make time for oneself. This almost has to be a top priority, even if I have to get up extra early just to have that 1 cup of tea to myself while I read/write. . . it makes me a happier person throughout my day. . . which in turn makes the day better for my son. I wish I could read through all of the comments right now actually, but this is around the time when the chaos of my morning starts. It’s nice to feel connected to other mamas online, that certainly helps. . . even if it IS through these cyberspace links.
oh, my word! the whole time i was reading i was thinking – did i write this and promptly forget because my life is so insane? people are always saying to me “when you come up for air … could you do … this?” – so, i never come up for air. BUT …
I did make myself sit down in November and looked at the big, huge, picture. I printed out the 12 months of 2011 and worked backwards. Trying to make chunks of family time, work time, etc. Using post-it notes {color coded} I broke the year down into what I want to accomplish this year, that month … and then broke these down into smaller, gulp-able bits that are the tasks to make up those goals. I counted backwards and gave myself time to plan & execute.
I have realized that I tend to get paralyzed because I think if I start something, I have to finish it right then and if I don’t have enough time to check it off my list in that moment, I just don’t do it at all. But what I know is, even if I only work on something for 15min per day, I eventually cross it off the list and feel great. Now, finding the balance in that maddening process is the key.
Next, I made a weekly spreadsheet with days of the week across the top and hours of the day down the side and imagined what my perfect week would look like. It is something to work toward. The idea is getting the birds-eye view and then focusing down into smaller, more manageable vignettes.
I still don’t have it all figured out, but it’s a step in the right direction. My weeks are anything but perfect. In fact, I don’t even like that word –{perfect}– how about ideal. Anyway, I realize in writing this that I could go into much detail and maybe, just maybe I will on my blog … when I have time
awesome comment, allison. thanks for sharing! i really like your idea of sitting down, looking at the big picture and mapping stuff out. SMART! i might try that. at the beginning of the year, i bought one of those big desk calendars and i’ve yet to write a single thing on it…. it just sits underneath my laptop getting ignore, oops! well january is behind me, but i have 11 more months ahead to get a handle on things, right?!
you’ve reminded me that i still need to write my big follow up post to this original post… funny that i realized i have four drafts sitting here and have yet to publish. better get on that.
i actually DO have a few new tips and techniques that i’ve been trying out and using that i think will be helpful to some out there! stay tuned… and thanks for reading! xo
Ah, you are so, so right! I can totally remember feeling like that about 15 years ago when my kids were little. And then they got older.
And it didn’t get a bit easier. They started driving. And staying out late (not too late, just normal late for teenagers.) And dating. And leaving for college. And coming back home to live again. (So much for my regaining some “personal space”, – the whole empty nest thing seems relatively unattainable.)
And then my parents and in-laws moved to our beautiful city to be closer to us. And my MIL has dementia and my dad has Parkinson’s. It’s like we got four new teenagers living right down the road that we need to take care of.
Some days it’s mind-numbing. My house is a feels like a public storage locker for dog hair, boy stink, electronics, dust bunnies and enough clutter to start my own self-help TV show.
But every day, usually during cocktail time (I might skip yoga, but I never skip cocktail time) I try to remind myself that this is MY big, overstuffed, messy life. I really wouldn’t be happy in a perfect house with perfect husband/kids and lots of time on my hands. I’d be bored. I know I would be. So I take a deep breath and keep on plugging away, knowing deep down inside, even though I don’t always act like it, I’m lovin’ this!
(Oh, and I did solve the sock thing for our family. Each of my three kids got a year’s supply of white socks at Christmas. Each child had only one style of sock. Each child got a different brand. At wash day, I never had more than three extra socks.)
wow, thanks so much for your thoughtful comment!!!!!
and you’re so right. this is just life, right? some days are better than others, some days are totally hard and super overwhelming. i think it’s all about accepting that and just doing the best we can. good to highlight those problem areas every once in a while and make tweaks and improvements when we can. i’ve been so busy i never did write my big follow up post to this first one, that clearly struck a cord with so many out there… even though i have FOUR drafts in my draft folder here… lol. guess i better get on that. i actually have come up with some things that have helped me out and i should share
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